Finding the Gray: Reclaiming Your Boundaries and Your Wholeness
When I was younger, I was taught the world is black and white — yes or no, right or wrong, possible or impossible. But life doesn’t operate in absolutes. The gray spaces — the nuance, the complexity, the “maybe” — are where growth, healing, and creativity live. This post is about recognizing those shades of gray in your own life and reclaiming the parts of yourself that are sacred, protected, and whole.
The Lesson: Black and White Thinking
For years, I lived in absolutes. I wanted life to be predictable. I wanted to know what was safe, what was right, and what was wrong. But the truth is, not everything fits into those boxes.
Decisions aren’t always yes/no; they’re often a spectrum.
People’s behavior doesn’t always define you or your worth.
Emotions aren’t good or bad; they’re signals.
The more I embraced nuance, the more I could recognize that gray areas are not weakness — they’re freedom.
Exercise: “It’s Okay, They Can’t Get in the Car”
Think of yourself as the driver of a car. This car represents your life, your trauma, and your wholeness. Every person who interacts with you is essentially asking for a seat in your car — access to your energy, your boundaries, or your emotional space.
Identify the passengers – Who in your life is requesting access to your energy, your story, or your trauma?
Check your gate – Ask yourself: Do they need to be in the car? Do they have the right to this part of me?
Give consent consciously – You get to say yes, no, or maybe. You are the driver. Your wholeness is not public property.
Practice saying it – Out loud or in writing:
“It’s okay, they can’t get in the car.”
“I choose what I share, and I choose who gets access.”Reflect – Notice how it feels to hold the keys. Observe the freedom and relief of protecting your space.
This exercise is a way to reclaim agency over your trauma, your energy, and your story. You decide the access. You decide the timing. You decide what is safe to share — and what remains sacred.
Reflection
Life is rarely yes or no. It’s a spectrum of experiences, choices, and emotions. By embracing the gray, we give ourselves the freedom to be nuanced, complex, and whole. Naming our boundaries — and practicing what feels safe — is an act of radical self-respect.
Your trauma, your wholeness, and your energy are yours to steward. No one else gets the keys unless you give them.
✨ TAG, You’re It!
Where in your life have you been operating in black-and-white thinking?
Who has access to your “car” — your energy, boundaries, or story — and who doesn’t need to?
What would happen if you practiced consciously deciding who rides along with you today?
